I once read that the average person falls in love 4 times in their life, but a girl never forgets her first heartbreak.
I for one still have a slight visceral reaction to my first heartbreak, even though it happened more than 8 years ago. The details are a bit fuzzy, but I remember being embarrassed and angry and a type of sadness that I had never felt before. I told myself that I would never allow myself to feel this way again… Oh young naive teenager, how cute of you.
At the ripe old age of 24, I have felt my fair share of heartbreak.
I have felt the gentle sting of a fling thinking it best to part ways; I call this a one-dayer because it hurts for a day and then you get over it.
I have felt the blow of a former flame coming back in your life for a couple weeks and then just as promptly as they arrived they leave again. Although more heartbreaking than the one-dayer, you had your guard up so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
And I have felt the kind of heart-shattering, soul-crushing heartbreak that is caused by the person you love telling you they don’t love you anymore.
When your heart is breaking your brain is in overdrive attempting to figure out all of these emotions you aren’t used to feeling, and the fact of the matter is that your brain just isn’t functioning as it normally would. How your brain chooses to react is different with each scenario, and I am telling you, sometimes your emotions and the injustice of the situation will get the best of you and it will not be pretty… Hey, you’re only human, we all get a little psychotic from time to time!
Every girl strives to be the cool as a cucumber ex-girlfriend pretending like they could care less by not texting back right away and using those reverse psychology tricks to make him love you again, but we can’t always be that girl.
Maybe it’s because I’m a Libra, but I have never been that girl.
I need to know why this is happening, if the relationship is done forever, and I need answers because this clearly isn’t fair to me and my brain can’t comprehend what is happening right now.
After many heartbreaks, I can tell you with certainty that the answers he/she has to give will never satisfy your broken heart.
More often than not the other person just doesn’t have the answers, and trust me when I tell you they definitely don’t have the answers that you want them to have. You feel as jilted as Carrie Bradshaw, but did Big even know why he stood up Carrie on their wedding day? Not really. He just did it.
This is not an easy concept to understand. “There has to be a concrete reason as to why he doesn’t want me anymore, and I need to know what it is because if I know then… well I would know and that would help me get over it”.
No, it won’t. In the heat of the moment you want every reason to keep him talking to you. You are desperate to maintain a line of communication so that you can fix things because once you stop talking, it’s over.
This is the critical moment when you need to stop crying, wipe away your tears and decide how you want this to go down.
Do you want to elongate your healing by begging for reasons and answers, or do you want to learn from this loss and use this experience to find a better love?
Erase, block, and begin the process of moving on.
Unfortunately, they haven’t invented the technology to erase certain memories as of yet, and I know that controlling your emotions at a time like this is as close to impossible as it gets, but girllll you can do it. I promise you deserve someone that can’t possibly imagine the thought of leaving you. A love that would never break your heart like this; doesn’t that sound a hell of a lot better than begging for someone to stay?
The cliches about relationships, breakups, and heartbreak are all true. Love hurts, but a level of emotional maturity comes along with the pain of heartbreak. It is unbelievably freeing to know that you can survive losing someone you love and the world will keep a’turnin.
Embrace your broken heart, learn from it, and don’t let it happen again! <3